Greg McElhatton

I’m not sure what it says that my favorite self-portrait (in my ongoing 365portraits project) in a while has everything but my hand deliberately out of focus.

I think I’ve mentioned here earlier that I am finding myself increasingly forgetful. I say “I think” because of course, I’m not sure if I have or not. I am afraid that I hit a new low today, though.

The worst part wasn’t forgetting to swap out the shorts in my gym back for pants, meaning after I went swimming this morning I spent the rest of the day a little cold because it was soooo not shorts weather. (I left for the gym in my swim trunks already.)

The worst part wasn’t discovering when I got into the car that I’d had a birthday card sitting on the front seat of my car since yesterday, when I went to a friend’s for dinner and forgot to give it to him. Whoops. (Fortunately, the wine and the bar of bacon-chocolate did make it inside.)

No, the worst part was that yesterday I’d bought a huge rice krispy treat half dipped in chocolate, half dipped in the white icing that this bakery uses for its black and white cookies, saved said treat to be eaten at work today… and then I forgot to eat it. I realized five minutes after I left the office that it was still sitting, hidden, in my office. (I hid it yesterday so I would not be tempted to eat it.)

Argh. Oh well. I guess I know what half of lunch tomorrow is, right? Provided I remember.

1. I hate almost all memes, unless they require you to actually be creative. Quizzes explaining which member of the Monkees you are (or any sort of similar silliness) set my teeth on edge.
2. I learned how to read when I was 2 1/2 years old, and that was the beginning of the end, so to speak. I used to take three books in the car with me when we would drive to church—all of one mile away.
3. I have become fairly obsessed with Goodreads.com, which lets you log books you’ve read, are reading, or planning to read. I’ve decided to try and enter into my personal database all the books I own, which is a bit daunting (to put it mildly). So far I’ve almost finished two bookshelves. My “to-read” shelf is already depressingly large.
4. I’ve actually forbidden myself from buying books that I can get from the library these days. This has cut back the influx greatly.
5. As much as I dislike winter, I think I would miss the seasons were I to move somewhere sunny and warm year round.
6. Last year I made a concerted effort to cut all high fructose corn syrup out of my house. It was surprisingly easy. That said, I forgot to check the last time I was at the grocery store and an impulse buy of some yogurt resulted in me purchasing some. Oops. I need to get better about checking for it.
7. If you’d told me ten years ago that I would run even one marathon, I’d have laughed in your face.
8. As much as I enjoy exercising, about a third of the time I actually find it very hard to get the motivation to actually do so. This is especially true in the winter months, which is partially why this is the first year I’ve ever trained for a spring marathon.
9. I enjoy cooking but I go through phases where I will do very little cooking. I prefer to cook for more than just myself, which is part of the problem. Still, thanks to my plastic containers to save for later, that’s not as much as an issue as it could be.
10. Half of the reason why I signed up for a Community-Supported Agriculture half-share this year is to force myself to actually cook on a daily basis, and to break out the cookbooks just waiting to be used.
11. Part of me wants to get back into writing fiction, but I’m afraid of what I’d have to give up right now in order to have that extra time in my day. As it is right now there are many leisure activities which have already fallen by the wayside.
12. I continually feel guilty about not spending enough time with my friends, many of whom I only see a few times a year. I also worry that my friends will leave me behind.
13. Every time the idea of having children is brought up, my first thought is, “I can’t possibly be old enough to have children.” When it’s pointed out that at my age my mom had three kids and one of them was already a teenager, I am amazed. That then follows up by the thought that I don’t think I should be trusted with having a kid just yet.
14. I used to have a really bad (almost obsessive-compulsive) completist streak. I like to think I’ve actually gotten a lot better about it. I suspect the reality is that I’ve just given it a much tighter focus instead of applying to so many different possessions.
15. Doctor Who will probably always be my favorite television program of all time. I suspect my parents still slightly rue the day they bought me a Doctor Who book as a gift, which is what started me down this path.
16. The images in my head and what my camera actually takes very rarely intersect. The few times they do, though, have brought me a supreme joy.
17. I hang up all my t-shirts in my closet, sorted by color and arranged by the rainbow spectrum.
18. I am horrible at movie quote quizzes. Even if I’ve seen the movie a dozen times, I will probably not remember the line until the source is pointed out to me.
19. I cannot draw anything worthwhile to save my life. Even my stick figures are malformed.
20. I get genuinely upset if a plant I am taking care of gets sick or dies. Which is probably why pets and/or children are just right out of the question for now. Just imagine if I had something to take care of that could actually make noise.
21. It’s been four years since I dropped a lot of weight and my body has still not adjusted to the loss of all that internal insulation. I finally had to start wearing sweaters and undershirts again in the colder months to keep from freezing to death.
22. If I had to start all over again with college and a career, I think I’d want to be a psychologist.
23. I find it almost impossible to look at someone the entire time I am talking to them, or they’re talking to me. I will still be paying attention to them, but that amount of focus requires conscious and deliberate effort.
24. I knew I had “become an adult” about two years ago when I bought a new vacuum cleaner and was genuinely excited about doing so.
25. I can honestly say that I am right now at the happiest point of my life.

In November 2006, I tried a project where I took a picture every day for a year. It was a lot of fun, it made me get out there with my camera every day, and most importantly I think it helped me a lot with my photography. This year, starting in New Year’s Day, I’m working on a slightly similar project—only this time it’s a self-portrait a day.

I did this for two reasons. First, I like the idea of getting out there and taking photos every day, but making it a little different so I could keep my attention span up. But second, for someone who likes being behind the camera, I’m not so good about being in front of the camera. So, this will hopefully help me with that.

As I’ve been uploading my photos, though, I’ve been putting more and more commentary with them. So, I think that I’m going to start cross-posting them here (provided there is some actual meat to them). Just little glimpses into what I’ve been up to.

Seriously, every time I turn around lately I am coming to the horrible conclusion that I am turning into someone old. As in, a friend’s parents from back when I was a kid. (My parents were always pretty young and fun even as adults.) Latest signs pointing towards this include getting excited about the following:

1. Filling Out a CSA Application
Seriously, when you are getting excited about having produce delivered to you every week from a local farm? You are old. But at the same time the idea of getting my half-share of produce? Pretty exciting! Supposedly I will hear back within 72 hours. I’m hoping this particular CSA is not full, especially since they actually will deliver the share to your office, and how fantastic is that? (It’s partially what stopped me from trying a CSA last year, because there were none with drop points near the office and scrambling to pick one up on the way home would be difficult at best.) All sorts of vegetables, here I come.

2. Recognizing Interstitial Songs On NPR
At first I was going to try and justify this one as not making me old. “It was ‘New York City Boy’ by the Pet Shop Boys!” the voice in my head said. “That doesn’t make you old!” Except first, I suspect it does. And second, and more importantly, I was listening to Marketplace on NPR. That makes me old. Very very old.

3. Warmth
Ok, that doesn’t sound unreasonable. But it’s very, very cold here in DC, and as you may have heard there’s a big Presidential Inauguration coming up shortly. And despite all the neat concerts and parades and events and everything else, all I can think of is things like, “How will I stay warm? Should I just stay inside and watch on tv? Perhaps I can cook a pot roast.” Oh dear. When did this happen? Right now the plan is to layer a great deal, but still. The thought of indoors is there.

4. Doing Nothing
I have absolutely nothing scheduled for the weekend of the 24th. I cannot wait. As great as it is to visit friends, or have them visit you, or have all sorts of exciting plans (and don’t get me wrong, I’ve really enjoyed the past few weekends) it will be fairly fantastic to have no one in town or any plans to do anything major league. I am hoping to sit down and read some books.

Oh look! I’m an old man. Sweet!

While running at the gym today, my right foot started hurting, feeling like something was poking/pushing into the inside of it. I finally stopped, took off my shoe, and shook it out as well as ran my hand along the outside of my sock. Nothing.

So I ran my cool-down mile, and the whole while it is hurting more and more. Almost like a wire is jabbing into my foot at this point. I finish up, and head home. The whole way back home I am worrying a mile a minute. Have I hurt my foot again? Did something tear? Is it a sprain? Something entirely different? Maybe I should book an appointment with the podiatrist right away. Can he see me today? What about my 16-mile run on Saturday?

I (finally) got home, pulled off my shoe, and ran my fingers through it again. No sign of anything poking out that would be hurting my foot. So I pull off my sock…

…it’s a blister. Probably a little piece of grit was inside my sock and rubbing against the bottom of my foot. But that’s what all the pain was. And that, boys and girls, is how my head works at times. Why pause and think, “I’m sure nothing is wrong,” when you can freak out about it instead? *sigh*

After a really wonderful morning (a running session, a walk over to the farmer’s market, a stroll home while eating a vegetable empanada, the breeze blowing and the sky almost entirely clear), I’ve found myself with a distinct lack of energy. I suspect the number of early mornings this week (including having to be up in Emmitsburg, MD by 8:30am yesterday, ugh) has finally caught up with me. (Which also kind of stinks because I have a birthday shindig on the calendar tonight and I don’t know if I have the energy to go.)

So I’ve been sitting home and reading Lynda Barry’s brand new book What It Is for the fourth or fifth time this week and it’s amazing how much this is resonating with me. I loved her book One Hundred Demons (it suddenly opened my eyes to what an amazing writer she is) but What It Is goes above and beyond that, talking so much about creativity and imagination and how we often self-censor ourselves. There’s a page in which she’s talking about how she started changing her behavior around other people, that really struck me.

By the 6th grade I stopped doing ordinary things in front of people. It had been ordinary to sing, kids are singing all the time when they are little, but then something happens. It’s not that we stop singing. I still sang. I just made sure I was alone when I did it, and I made sure I never did it accidentally. That thing we call “bursting into song.” I believe this happens to most of us. We are still singing, but secretly and all alone.

And that’s when it suddenly hit me that it’s one of the things I love so much about Charlie. I don’t think he ever censors himself that way. When he and Julie and I drove down to the Outer Banks Marathon, within about 30 seconds of us all being in my car he’d suddenly burst into song, and I remember Julie saying something along the lines of, “Oooh, this is going to be a fun ride.” And I always groan a lot when he does it, but you know what? I really rather envy his being able to do so, and most of the time it makes me smile.

Anyway, I’ll have a review of What It Is run later this week on Read About Comics, but I’m going to give everyone a sneak preview right here: BUY THIS BOOK. I suspect it’s going to be my favorite book (drawn or otherwise) of the entire year. It’s about creativity, and ourselves, and the world around us, and everything in-between, and it’s fantastic.

Two quick items of note!

First off, I now have an official “these are some of my better photos” website put together. I think it’s a pretty nifty site, and I’ll be adding to it as I finally get my new camera up and running and it takes pictures worthy of going there. Consider it a “best of the best” selection, and it’s at http://photos.gregmce.com. Very exciting! (Well, for me.) It’s the closest I have to a portfolio online.

And second, for those in the DC area, Artomatic opens today! It’s running through June 15th, has free admission, and is one block from the New York Avenue metro station. (There’s also some street parking, and I think also some pay garaged parking available.) It’s closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, but the rest of the week has some pretty reasonable viewing hours. (Wed/Thurs: 5-10pm; Fri/Sat: noon-2am; Sun: noon-10pm.)

So if you’re interested, try and head on up to the 9th floor and check my stuff out! And then check everything else out while you’re there; there’s a lot of really interested and neat art being exhibited this year, and I’ve only seen a small fraction. This year was a big learning experience for me and hopefully the next time the show comes around my stuff will be even better. But I had fun getting things ready.

End of self-promoting plugs! (Next time I’ll talk about something riveting like high fructose corn syrup. Mmmmmmm.)

One of the best things I’ve discovered about taking a Benadryl before bed every night, now, is a side-effect I didn’t expect. Namely, I’m having dreams that I remember on a much more regular basis.

Most nights, once I fall asleep it’s (by my reckoning) an instant transition from falling asleep to waking back up. Dreams more often than not are only in-between the two if I’m extremely tired or have had alcohol first. So maybe it’s the medication, maybe it’s just having a deeper and more restful sleep, but more often than not these days I’m finding myself with dreams that were strong enough that I can actually remember them.

It’s funny because I’m not entirely sure when I stopped having regularly occuring dreams. Maybe in college? It’s that sort of thing that you don’t notice until they’ve been gone for quite some time. Someone asks you what you dreamt about and you realize that you have no idea. It’s fun, though, to have them back. I can more often than not pinpoint where some of the images are coming from as of late, too.

For instance, last night my mother was talking a lot about Dexter and Michael C. Hall and The Tudors, and I’d mentioned Artomatic to her. The end result? I dreamt that I was Michael C. Hall, but was also somehow an amalgamation of myself and his characters from Dexter and Six Feet Under. I was in a large mansion (and Peter Krause was there at one point) and the rooms kept shifting back and forth between the past and present-day, but a large room full of picture frames was in both of them. I ended up meeting a very attractive noble and was flirting with him (I’d gotten as far as an arm around him and there was no objection at his end) when I woke up.

Very strange, and funny, and a wonderful jumble of things I’d just been talking and thinking about earlier. It’s really nice to have them back. Another thing once the springtime pollen dips a little bit to monitor closely when I try and see if shifting to Allegra and/or valerian root at night will make a difference. Now that dreaming is back, I’m not quite ready to give it up again.

As the pollen explosion began to hit the DC area about two weeks ago, my allergies—like every year—went berserk. Normally I take 60mg of Allegra in the morning and am all right, but during this time of year by early evening it starts wearing off. There’s only so much one little pill can do.

So, as a stop-gap measure, my original plan was to up my dosage to the recommended twice-a-day level. (My feeling has always been that if I can get away with half a dose that I should do so. My physician thankfully not only agrees with me but still gives me the twice-a-day prescription for whenever things do get bad so that I don’t run out mid-month with no refill in sight.) But then I decided to try a little experiment. So in the evening, about an hour before bed, I’m now taking a Benadryl.

The result has been nothing short of astounding. On the whole I fall asleep a little faster (except for last Friday night), and I do still wake up at least once or twice (drink some water and pass back out) but when I wake up in the morning—I actually wake up. For those who haven’t seen me in the morning, trust me when I say that it is not a pretty sight, to put it mildly. I am tired, I am groggy, I am slightly incoherent. I had to buy an alarm clock with an adjustable snooze alarm because 9 minutes would be too long and I would fall completely back asleep. (It’s currently set at 6 minutes.)

Now? When the alarm goes off I’m out of bed within 15 minutes instead of in the 45-to-75 minute range. This has been especially good for starting to go to the gym in the mornings again. I can get such an earlier start that it means I have time for a longer, more fulfilling workout; hitting half an hour on the rowing machine now means I still have time for a second half hour of something else. Or this morning, knowing I couldn’t hit my evening spinning class, I actually hit my first 6:30am class ever. Hopefully this will let me shed those five pounds of “winter weight” a little faster than normal. Maybe even finally help shrink and tighten my tummy a bit, that would be nice.

Once allergy insanity is over I do plan on some experiments to figure out what the key element is in the Benadryl solution. Do I need the allergy relief in the evenings more than I thought I did, and should go onto two-a-day for Allegra from now on? Or is it that I’m just needing that extra little nudge into sleepland and should perhaps look into something like valerian root or melatonin for my evenings? (I’m really curious to see what the end result will be.)

Either way, the end result has been just, well, great and exciting. I’ve really missed being able to wake up quickly in the mornings.